


I Found

by patrocchilles



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst if you squint because I'm tired of them being sad, Buck tries his best to be supportive, Eddie has a TIME being introspective, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s03ep12 Fools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patrocchilles/pseuds/patrocchilles
Summary: Eddie is going to need a little more clarification than that, because he had been under the impression the entire night that things were goingreallywell, until suddenly, they weren’t. Ana can see he’s not quite getting the full picture and supplies him with a bit more of an explanation.“I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think you’re in love with your best friend.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 55
Kudos: 734





	I Found

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song by Amber Run. This is the first fic I have ever written and my first contribution to the 9-1-1 fandom. Please clap my cheeks in the comments if you hate it.
> 
> Update [2020-04-15]: I divided most of the paragraphs into smaller sections, to enhance readability, but the content is unchanged.

It all starts with a single text. After the skateboarding incident with Christopher, when Eddie had gone back to apologize for his behaviour, he had also given Ms. Flores his number in the event that if a similar matter arose in the future, he could be the first to know. He was also hoping that she might text him outside of any concern for Christopher’s wellbeing, and for his efforts he was rewarded with her first name. Ana.

Eddie is at work, sitting in the lounge and discussing weekend plans with the crew while they’re between calls, when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Buck is on the couch beside him, and he immediately tenses at the intrusion; mid-day text messages have never been a good sign.

They briefly make eye contact, and Buck watches on with concern as Eddie digs his phone out and glances at the notification displayed on the screen. It’s not from one of his contacts, and the number is foreign to him; when he unlocks his phone to reveal the entirety of the message, he understands why.

> Hey Eddie, it’s Ana.
> 
> Don’t panic, Christopher is just fine. I’m actually contacting you on my own behalf.
> 
> I was wondering what your schedule looks like in the near future.

The uneasiness in Eddie’s expression melts away and he can feel as Buck relaxes next to him. The furrow in Buck’s brow is replaced with a questioning gaze because  _ is Eddie Diaz actually smiling _ ? Buck peers over his shoulder to try and get a look at what has Eddie so giddy, and in return Eddie digs an elbow into the blonde’s ribcage in an attempt to get away while he struggles to text Ana back.

> My entire weekend is free. Were you thinking about dinner?

His reply is presumptuous, but he doesn’t see any other explanation for why she would be interested in how busy he is. Eddie would never admit it aloud, but he’s excited by the prospect of being able to get back out there and try his hand at dating again. And who better to start with than someone as beautiful and intelligent as Ana?

For months he had been consumed with the torrent of emotions brought on by Shannon’s death, and for a while he feared he would never be able to truly heal from his loss. But the moment he laid eyes on Ana, he realized he might just be ready to move on.

> How does Saturday night at 7 sound? You can pick the place.

Eddie takes a moment to respond and adds her to his contacts, so as not to appear too keen or desperate.

> Sounds good. I’ll send you an address later.

Buck has been staring at him the entire time. In fact, most of the team have stopped what they are doing in favour of watching the scene on the couch unfold. “Looks like I’ll be needing a babysitter tomorrow night,” he says to Buck as he meets his expectant gaze. “And you can disassemble the peanut gallery.” he adds, addressing everyone else.

For the rest of their 24-hour shift, Eddie has to endure the onslaught of advice and restaurant recommendations his teammates send his way. Buck is also relentless in his teasing, telling Eddie not to screw this up a second time, lest she throw her drink at him or stab a fork through his hand and into the table. However, after a little research during another break from the action, it’s Buck’s suggestion that Eddie chooses to run with.

“Edwin Mills by Equator, in Pasadena. That's where I would take someone on a first date, if I had the opportunity.” Eddie doesn’t understand why Buck’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he says this.

* * *

A knock at the door. Eddie has a spare set of keys should he ever need to let himself into Buck’s apartment, but it seems impolite to do so now when he knows Buck is expecting them. Christopher is practically vibrating with excitement next to him over the promise of an entire night of movies and junk food with his best friend, which Buck had promised there would be an excess of.

Eddie has Chris’ pack slung around his shoulder, containing within it pajamas, a spare change of clothes, and a 500-piece puzzle his son insisted they would complete together. He already knows Buck will be finding pieces scattered across his apartment for the better part of a month after tonight, but he has always had trouble telling Christopher ‘no’, especially when he beams up at him with that blinding smile of his.

Buck opens the door and sports a grin brilliant enough to outshine the sun when he sees Christopher. “There you are! I was starting to get worried.” he exclaims and Chris tumbles forward into his open arms.

Eddie would be lying if he said their interactions didn’t tug at his heartstrings, on more than one occasion. Sometimes he wonders how he got so lucky, to find a friend just as in love with his son as he is, without the expectation of doing so.

“I think you’re going to like what I have planned.” Buck says as he pulls out of the embrace and steps back so that Eddie and Chris can come inside. Eddie doesn’t know who he’s addressing specifically, but he soon sees what Buck means.

Buck takes them on a tour of the apartment to show Christopher some of the recent additions he has made on his behalf. What was once a bachelor’s pad has slowly evolved to accommodate the youngest member of the Diaz family.

The fridge, which had only contained condiments and beer for the longest time, is now fully stocked with juice boxes, yoghurt cups, and fresh produce cut into easy-to-grab portions. The kitchen counter is also piled high with popcorn and chocolates and gummy candies for the night ahead.

When they move to the living room, Buck informs Chris that not only has he purchased yet another video game to add to the precarious tower stacked beside the TV, he also subscribed to Disney+ so that they won’t run out of options for their movie night, and all of those yet to come. But the biggest surprise of all, the one that almost gives Eddie whiplash, waits just down the hall on the main floor, past the half-bathroom.

The room had initially been a storage space for some of Buck’s extra gear, but he’s now converted it into a modest spare bedroom, the perfect size for a child. “Sorry it took so long to get this set up for you, buddy. It took forever for the mattress and bed frame to come in from Ikea.”

Christopher’s eyes go wide as dinner plates when he takes in the state of the room. A twin bed, decorated in flannel sheets with little fire trucks on them, has been pushed to the furthest corner of the room, next to the window.

A small desk and chair are positioned opposite to it; Buck has even gone so far as to put up some of the drawings Chris has made for him and left lying around the apartment. A picture of the three of them, labelled with their names and holding hands with Chris in the center, hangs above the bed.

Eddie is moved to speechlessness, something nameless constricting his throat and making it suddenly very difficult to breathe properly. Thankfully, Buck is much too concerned with Christopher’s reaction to be paying any attention to the way the light in the room reflects a little too brightly in Eddie’s eyes.

With their tour completed, Buck ushers them both back out into the main space of the apartment and Eddie is suddenly reminded that he won’t actually be spending the night with his boys. A bitter taste fills his mouth as he reaches into his pocket for his phone so he can order himself an Uber, and he has to clear his throat as unsolicited longing claws at his chest.

Eddie is called back to the present as he faintly hears the sound of Buck’s voice. “Did you say something?” Eddie asks, his head snapping up as he tucks his phone away.

“I just told Chris to go pick what he wants to watch first,” Buck reiterates, gesturing with a thumb over his shoulder to the young boy enthusiastically scrolling through the Disney+ menu in the living room. “Are you ready for your date?”

“Uh, yeah.” Eddie doesn’t mean to be so terse in his response, after all, that is why Buck is doing all of this for him, right? He just can’t shake the feeling that  _ this _ is where he wants to be tonight, watching movies until his eyes sting for lack of blinking and passing out into a food-induced coma on Buck’s couch.

The aforementioned man is watching him intently now, and there must be something about Eddie’s expression that worries him, because he can actively see the concern being etched into Buck’s features. He needs to change the subject. “Thank you, for watching Chris tonight on such short notice, and for everything that you’ve done for him. You didn’t have to do all of this.”

The new topic of conversation eases the tension right out of Buck and his smile is quick to make a return. “What are you talking about? It’s no trouble, really.” he smirks, and it’s enough to calm Eddie’s nerves.

Buck has always had that effect on him, whether he’s conscious of it or not, and Eddie has always been grateful for it. His carefree attitude and disposition have always been enough to brighten his day, especially when Christopher is somehow incorporated into the mix.

Longing creeps up on Eddie again like old vines, tying knots around his ribs and smothering his lungs, and he decides he needs to leave before he does something stupid. “I should head out now. My ride will be here any minute.” he says, and Buck is practically pushing him out of the apartment as he does.

“Go. Have fun.” Buck grins and he’s shutting the door behind Eddie before he can even turn around to say goodbye to Christopher.

Eddie has to steel himself once more when he receives a notification that his Uber has arrived, his finger momentarily hovering over the ‘decline’ button in the app. He manages to walk away, all the while enduring the feeling of something being pulled tight inside him.

* * *

It gets easier to look forward to his date the further away Eddie is driven from Buck’s apartment, and by the time he arrives at his destination, the younger man is the last thing on his mind. Eddie spots Ana almost immediately; she is wearing a deep red blouse and dark slacks that accentuate her curves, rich brown curls falling loosely over her shoulders. A delicate silver chain encircles her throat and glints in the moonlight as she searches the faces of passersby for her date.

Eddie comes up behind her and gently touches her elbow, so as not to startle her. The smile he receives is just as stunning as she is, and he tells her as much. “You’re too kind,” she blushes, brushing a stray curl behind her ear, “shall we go inside?” Eddie nods in response and guides her past the front patio with a hand placed lightly on the small of her back.

The restaurant is rustic and warm. Strings of incandescent light bulbs hang above their heads and the ceiling has been opened to reveal old wooden beams. The walls are made of exposed brick, covered in portraits of long-forgotten faces.

A bar takes up the entirety of one side of the restaurant while a plush, green booth extends along the wall of the side opposite to it. Their server, a young man with dark, slicked-back hair and nondescript features, guides them to a table in the center of the restaurant and offers them a drink menu while he turns away to attend to other patrons.

Eddie pulls out a chair for Ana, ever the gentleman, and then seats himself across from her. As he takes another look around the room, Eddie can only guess why Buck would be interested in coming here. Every inch of the restaurant has his name written all over it, and Eddie thinks that if he doesn’t find himself someone to bring here soon, he’ll have to take Buck out for drinks instead.

He brings his focus back to his date, who is casually scanning through the menu they had been given. Their server reappears moments later and she orders a glass of red wine; Eddie asks to be surprised with something that has tequila in it, hoping to quell any residual nervous energy he might have. For this, he is rewarded with soft laughter from Ana, and they engage in casual conversation until their drinks arrive.

They start off simple, mainly discussing work. Ana tells him about all of the foolish, asinine things her students have proven themselves capable of, and in an English class no less. Children cutting out each other’s hair or gluing themselves to their seats during silent reading. And, oh, the  _ strength _ it takes to read through some of the assignments she receives, having to actually dignify them with a grade at the end of her torment.

“If they’re not absolutely illegible, they’re completely nonsensical at best,” she jokes, and Eddie is enraptured by her smile as she does so. “Of course,” Ana is careful to add, “Christopher is an exception to this.” Eddie chuckles at that.

“You don’t have to say that for my benefit, I’m sure he can be quite a handful at times. I know he is at home.” When their server swings back by the table to check on them, they each order another drink and ask for a set of dinner menus.

“Where is Christopher now?” Ana inquires to reignite the conversation, not aware of the floodgate she is opening.

“He’s staying with a friend of mine from work, Buck.” Eddie smiles at the thought and she gives him a knowing look.

“Ah yes, the infamous Buck. Christopher writes about him often in personal reflection assignments.” Eddie’s laughter is affectionate, if not a bit hesitant.

“Yeah, those two are pretty much inseparable, I’m not surprised.” he gazes at Ana attentively, but for a moment the wistful look in his eyes is miles away. They order dinner, and Eddie breaks into his own work stories, trying to stick to the ones that come with happy endings. Eddie tells her about the day he met Buck, how they started off at odds but ended up bonding over a live grenade embedded in the thigh of a middle-aged man, of all things.

He is verbose at best from that point forward, weaving tales about how they've rescued lost souls from collapsing buildings and raging fires, careful to leave out unsavoury details, and how they’ve saved each other countless times from similar situations, occasionally even from themselves.

When he thinks he’s said too much, Eddie switches the conversation to Chris, including a very recent story that indirectly connects to her, where Buck went out of his way to create an environment where his son could safely learn how to ride a skateboard. Ana listens carefully the entire time, offers sympathy where it is called for, and resonates with the pride Eddie feels for Chris when she can.

Dinner arrives, and Eddie hasn’t even fully unwrapped his cutlery when a familiar sensation alerts him that he has received a text. The pulse from his phone sends a shock through his body and makes his blood run cold. Ana can see the thinly veiled panic in his eyes and urges him to check his phone.

> Just wanted to let you know that we’re both doing great. Hope your date is too.

The message from Buck is also accompanied by a photo of him and Chris, all teeth and mouth chocolate-stained. His heart skips a beat at the sight and he immediately tells himself it’s because of the wave of relief washing over him right now.

He exhales the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding in and quickly makes his phone disappear. Guilt replaces his anxiety in quick succession as he meets Ana’s uncertain gaze. “I’m so sorry, I know I shouldn’t have my phone on right now, but I just-”

“It’s alright,” she soothes, reaching across the table to give his hand a reassuring squeeze, “I know how hard it must be leaving them alone after what happened during the tsunami, you don’t need to apologize.” Eddie thanks her quietly for being so understanding.

He knows Christopher couldn’t be in better hands right now, but his concern extends to Buck as well. He may not have shown it in the aftermath of the tsunami, but upon further reflection during the days and weeks that followed, Eddie came to realize it could have just as easily been Buck that had been the one to fall off the ladder truck and been washed away by the tide, instead without anyone to jump in after him.

The thought of losing Buck twists something in his gut almost to the point of pain, and makes it difficult to finish dinner.

When their server is making his rounds again, Ana is actually the one to ask for the bill and a couple of takeout containers, seeing how Eddie’s meal remains relatively untouched. He can tell that something is wrong, and when he offers to order her an Uber, Ana confirms his suspicions. “That would be great, thank you,” she says, and then adds, “I have a lot of papers at home that aren’t going to grade themselves.”

It’s a valid excuse, but Eddie can still tell that there’s something she’s not saying. The atmosphere between the two of them has completely changed, and he can’t help but think that he is the one to blame.

They end up splitting the bill, and after they’ve packaged their leftovers, they leave the restaurant behind to wait for their respective rides by the curbside. Eddie knows he needs to apologize, again, but he doesn’t know where to start because he doesn’t exactly understand where he went  _ wrong _ . He decides to begin with, “I’m sorry if I did something to upset you.” and hopes that his date will obligingly fill in the gaps in his memory.

Ana gives him a look that isn’t quite pity, but it certainly doesn’t leave him feeling very optimistic either. “Listen, Eddie, I had a great time tonight, but I think we both want different things right now.”

Eddie is going to need a little more clarification than that, because he had been under the impression the entire night that things were going  _ really _ well, until suddenly, they weren’t. Ana can see he’s not quite getting the full picture and supplies him with a bit more of an explanation. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think you’re in love with your best friend.”

Eddie is downright incredulous. “Buck? I have  _ no idea _ what you’re talking about. Buck and I are  _ just friends _ .” Ana’s patient smile is devoid of any underlying tone of ridicule or resentment.

“Eddie, we talked for hours, and I still know next to nothing about you, but I feel as though I’ve known Buck for years,” she sighs, and it’s then that exasperation begins to mar her elegant features. “I’m not upset, though, and if it’s any consolation, I think this Buck feels the same as you do.” Eddie sees headlights, and knows that their rides have arrived.

He wants to say something, to tell her she’s wrong, to apologize again, but he can feel something breaking inside of him, like a door buckling under the force of someone throwing themselves against it, and he doesn’t want to be out on the street when it comes crashing down.

Ana can tell how much he is struggling with this sudden revelation, so she presses a quick kiss to his cheek and leaves him with a few words of encouragement. “I hope things work out for the two of you. You deserve to be happy, Eddie.” She disappears into the back of a black SUV, and just as quickly, the vehicle is out of sight.

Eddie is on complete autopilot as he heaves himself into the back of his own Uber. If his driver had any pleasantries planned to greet him with, he saves them in favour of simply saying, “Rough night?”

_ Understatement of the century _ , Eddie thinks. Just then, he gets another text, presumably from Buck again, and he has half a mind to just ignore it. Unfortunately, paranoia, and something he’s not willing to confront right this second, win out and he reaches for his phone.

> Just put Chris to bed. I know it’s way past his bedtime, but you know how it is.
> 
> Have a good night ;)

The last of Eddie’s defenses crumble under the immense pressure of all of the thoughts and feelings he has kept repressed for so long. His mind is suddenly overwhelmed by a sea of memories, and he no longer has the strength to deny the raw emotions connected to each and every one of them.

The way his stomach ties itself up in knots every time Buck’s touch lingers, every time he presses their shoulders together with casual familiarity, completely unaware of the effect he has on Eddie. How his heart crawls into his throat when he is made to bear witness to Buck’s incredibly selfless nature during calls where the odds seem impossible, the sheer panic and terror that grips Eddie when fate is unkind.

He thinks of his son, and the impossibly tender feeling that blossoms in his chest whenever he sees Buck and Christopher together.

Sudden fear turns every beautiful feeling unfurling inside of Eddie gnarled and grey. Fear that if Buck doesn’t feel the same as he does, he won’t want his friendship anymore. Losing the relationship he has with Buck would be devastating for Christopher, and Eddie would never be able to forgive himself if he was the cause of it.

It’s almost enough to completely derail his train of thought, but he has to believe that Buck is simply not that kind of person. He would never be so cruel as to deprive either Christopher or Eddie of his friendship, at least not over something like this. Eddie also knows that if there is a chance Buck feels the same way, he owes it to them both to tell him the truth.

Eddie pulls himself out of his reverie and has the driver redirect his navigation system to take them to Buck’s apartment instead of his house. He sends Buck a quick text, and hopes he’s still awake and cognisant enough to hear what Eddie has to say.

* * *

Buck opens the door on the first knock and puts a cold beer in Eddie’s hand the moment he steps through the threshold. “You caught me just in time, I was almost asleep when I got your message,” Buck offers as explanation when he notices Eddie glancing at his disheveled state, only wearing a pair of grey sweatpants that sit far too low on his hips for Eddie’s liking, given the current circumstances. “Tell me about your date, what happened?”

Eddie’s mouth is suddenly very dry, and he distracts himself by taking a very generous swig from his beer, condensation pooling where his hand meets the glass of the bottle and running down his wrist in a single rivulet. His previous resolve is slowly waning now that he’s actually here and Buck is frowning at him with such profound worry that Eddie thinks it must physically pain him to do so.

He can’t lose this, Buck has always been his anchor, someone he can trust implicitly and confide in, regardless of the time or place. Eddie wants to be certain, Buck is too important to him to take such a risk, but he can’t do that without talking to him. It’s an impossible choice, but Eddie has to have faith that if he gives Buck his heart, he’ll take care of him, and if he falls, Buck will be there to catch him.

“Well, things started off great. We were really connecting, getting carried away in conversation, and then the mood completely died when I got that text from you.” Buck’s face falls and he looks like he’s going to be sick. Eddie could punch himself stupid for such poor word choice. “Did I do this? Eddie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think you had your phone on or I wouldn’t have-”

“Buck, relax, this isn’t your fault.”  _ Not really _ . Eddie wishes desperately he could reach out and soothe the harsh lines of Buck’s anguished expression. They stand on opposite sides of the island in Buck’s kitchen, but Eddie feels like they’re on opposite sides of the continent right now. Buck looks lost at sea and Eddie just wants to call him home, to guide him safely back to shore.

He didn’t have very high expectations going into this, but Eddie has outdone himself in messing this up. He needs to fix this, before they have a fire on their hands neither of them know how to put out. “Ana told me afterwards that our date had been cursed from the very beginning, because I was with the wrong person. I kept talking about someone else the entire night, and I wasn’t even aware of it, I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, but she could.”

Buck still looks conflicted, but there’s an intensity in his eyes that Eddie takes as a sign that he should continue. He doesn’t know when it happened, but he feels like they’ve drifted closer to one another, the gravity of the situation pulling them together. Eddie takes one last sip from his beer and swallows hard around the apprehension bubbling up in his throat. “I’m in love with my best friend.”

He holds Buck’s gaze as he says it, watches his eyes go wide and then narrow into two slits. “He can be a bit of a pain in the ass at times, but I’ve forgotten where he stops and I begin, and I don’t know where I’d be without him. I never want to find out.”

Buck’s smile is watery and when Eddie closes the distance between them, placing a careful hand on the other man’s bicep, he can feel how much Buck is shaking, they both are. “Talk to me, Buck.” Eddie’s voice is thick, and he thinks his heart is going to give out if Buck keeps silent any longer.

Buck responds by wrapping Eddie up in an embrace that could surely break bone in a lesser man. “I didn’t think I could have you, let alone that you feel the same as I do,” Buck sobs into his shoulder, and Eddie tries his best to hold him even tighter, “I love you so much.”

They stay that way for a while, Eddie rubbing abstract patterns into Buck’s back as the blonde’s laboured breathing slowly evens out. When they eventually pull apart, they only make enough space to see each other’s faces.

Buck is radiant, like sunrise after a night of storms; Eddie knows he wants to spend the rest of his life basking in that glow, and will work every day to be worthy of it.

The next time they come together, Eddie is kissing an apology into Buck’s mouth, for taking so long to give him his heart, and a promise, to make up for lost time and never let fear keep them apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far! Kudos and comments will make me want to write more, and also probably make me cry. Come talk to me on tumblr at [tytonidaae](https://tytonidaae.tumblr.com/) if you want to complain together about how long it's taking the writers to let these boys be happy, or if you want to send me prompts? idk. Drink water and do something that makes you smile.


End file.
